life is fast

life is so slow when i am young.

and faster in the middle stage.

Monday will be my off day. and next Monday come so quickly again. and next big event, and next year again. now my only hope is to come to next chinese new year again so i could enjoy relaxing exciting times again. it's not bad to spend in Singapore my CNY anyway.

so what i mean is life is faster when you grow older; maybe the elderly ppl will say it becomes slow again when you are near sunset, but that one i do not know. i guess i won't remember how old i am when i'm ard 30s or 40s. life is just that fast!

ya, exhausted and bad health.

although hate to say about these pessimistic things in the diary, it's still the truth.

i just want to keep up with an active spirit.

hesitating about which gathering to give up. for the choir i'm quite burdened in music ministry; but i already have too many gatherings per week. if i were to give up beifang group, what about those girls? if i were to give up prayer meeting, how could i meet those brothers and have the sense of home? if i were to give up rev tong preaching, how could i gain strength and be revived? and the church worship of course i could not give up. and surely i may not be able to go wed bible study any more.

God, please tell me which ones are to be put down and which to be continued????

How to maintain a good health? now i don't have bad emotions any more so it's an absolute good thing for my health. but i still lack enough exercise so

still translation

Why a task could be finished at such a low pace.. my patient could not tolerate it. if it is an easy work i will definitely go on although it might be long-dragging. but now it's a hard job to translate. because i always think i'm doing a poor translation of the book. how could i go on?

recently

Reluctant to publish in English. but have to do so to practice my English.

these days i'm quite smooth and actually had some communication with the boy dage mentioned. have to wait and see what the progress will be like, hehe

and i thought it was my stomach problem and it came out not like so. i think mainly it's because i could not bare with hunger... quite strange and dunno why i have such a problem that i could not bare it. could not bare during fasting and not fasting... why...

and i suffered a lot because of monday fast and yesterday having only yogurt for dinner. i'm afraid that i may have any severe stomach problem but now it seems much better. wish the result won't come out bad of my stomach problem.

and next i'm saying about the email from wuxia. he asked each of us the roles and service we are taking in church and i really dun understand why he want to know that. is he going to assign everybody some tasks? wish that he could find some gifted person to do the follow-up work with me. and i really dunno what next i should do in order to follow dage's suggestion. he asked me to find more coworkers to do the follow-up and thus could do it better and more systematically. hope that tonight nus cg would come out with some person that are really God's will to work with me and pray about everything. and actually meiying is a good manpower because she lives with me and we could discuss about everything. but she is not quite qualified to serve and the way she served is so strange so i dare not let her serve with me actually... but i should have some coworker.. but on the other hand the workload is not that heavy so far and maybe i could manage it myself? have to pray and find out what i should do with all the former guests!

the sky of mine is fading color... i should post more on it...

to recall

Let me just briefly recall these days.(it's a bit challenging to me as i'm so short-memory)

Sunday i played the chinese new year song CDs after two services (teochew&sunset) and began to sell those CDs and VCDs. quite strange to me as in i was like a vendor selling those stuffs. but it's not mine and i do not earn any money. but it's strange to sell at church! i feel a bit strange because church is not a place to buy-and-sell. but i also felt it was a good thing as well because ppl like to listen to those chinese new year songs (published by christian organization). so still i could not tell whether it is right or wrong. anyway both pastors asked me to do so then i just do.. although not many ppl bought but still quite exciting about it. and one old man took away my pen, in return of advance payment. (i guess it's not because he truly like my pen!!)

and yesterday i went to Jieying's house to see her new born baby with Kangpei. a nine-days baby. much smaller than her elder sister jiajia and beibei(whom i already thought so small) How blessed are their family! three pretty princesses! they are really obedient and pretty and smart indeed! i wish i could also have smart and pretty babies. and Jieying just knew my thoughts and asked me 'wondering which day you will have your own right?' ha, not quite into thinking it yet, but indeed i felt so warm in her family, with husband-and-wife-and-children!

to write

something about yesterday Sunday School.

two new friends came and they were exchange students(11 yr old from China Guangzhou and only stay for two weeks)

and... they happened to begin to quarrel with kailin when all the others are either in coworker training or in English class. i felt so embarrassed for them and called Kailin out of the room to talk to her and prayed with her. but during Sunday school kailin told me she felt the two children nice and wanted to make friends with them! Wow praise God! I was so happy at that point and i told the new friends about it and asked whether they wanted to be friends of her as well. and they both nodded. How amazing! imagine they had been quarreling like enemies to each other! and God is so amazing. before that during the story session they both wanted to listen to me and wanted to believe God after listening to my story about Jona. (i should lead them the sinners prayer.. wish they would continue to have good faith!) and after that i had the delighting experience about they making friends! how wonderful is that! everything perfect. haha... yemei said i was a bit 小题大做，it's normal for kids to quarrel and to become friends. but i still felt happy because you imagine at the moment they quarreled fervently and nonstoppingly with each other, i felt so terrible, because it suppose to be a quiet environment... they were all having lessons in the two sides of the room and the children were in the middle! i felt terrible because the quarrel disturbed both community. however it's a happy-ending story. and i found that i'm really uncomfortable when i suppose myself to meet other's blaming eyes...

to throw

ya, when i'm in such a mood (frustrated) i want to throw up in my blog. When I am doing translation work, i could not think too much. that's the first point.(that means i sometimes say 'oh the other translators haven't started yet, even though i finished then what?' or i may say 'oh i have to spend so long time will it have any use till then?' so i just could not go on.) second, i say to myself ' i translated so bad' whenever i finish a sentence. and it won't keep me going on at all. i want an excellent or at least qualified piece; that is my requirement to myself. if i just do it like that, finally it won't have any value isn't it? and all the effort will be in vain. i want to translate well but i could not; i am not gifted in Chinese language! it would be better the other way round!

so i understand now that i'm a so pessimistic person; and the origin is that i'm too strict to myself. but i have to be strict right? if i just do a substandard piece, it would be no use at all! what do i do...

and later i discovered, that actually most part of my translation is quite acceptable, only quite a few is not that fluent. so that - my problem is everytime i don't count those that are good but count those that are not that good TOO MUCH!

Enjoying doing PPTs!!

I just utilized this picture to do the ppt file for this Sunday worship service. and it becomes like this-

Isn't it beautiful? Thanks to the photographer who uploaded this to flickr. and Thank GOD ultimately who created this beautiful scene for us!

Abstract

CS Lewis 返璞归真-道德与精神分析

最后一点。还记得我前面说的吗？正确的方向让人不仅获得平安，还获得知识。人在变好时越来越清楚的认识到自身残留的恶，在变坏时越来越认识不到自己的恶。一个中等程度坏的人知道自己不太好，一个彻头彻尾坏的人认为自己样样都好，这是常识。人在醒着时知道何为睡眠，睡着时却不知道；在头脑清醒时能发现算术中的错误，在犯错误时却发现不了；在清醒时知道什么是醉酒，在醉酒时却不知道。好人知善又知恶，坏人既不知善也不知恶。

性道德

我们可以肯定的说，完美的贞洁就像完美的爱一样，单靠人的努力无法达到。你必须寻求上帝的帮助，甚至在你寻求之后，有很长一段时间你也可能觉得上帝没有给你帮助，或者给你的帮助不够。没有关系。每次失败之后都去祈求上帝的宽恕，振作起来，重新尝试。上帝一开始帮助我们获得的往往不是美德本身，而是这种不断去尝试的力量。这个过程是在培养我们灵魂的习惯，因为无论贞洁（勇气、诚实或其他美德）多么重要，它都不及这些习惯重要。这个过程打破了我们对自己的幻想，教导我们要依靠上帝。一方面，我们认识到，即使在我们最完美的时候，我们也无法依靠自己；另一方面，即使在最不完美的时候，我们也不必绝望，因为我们的失败得到了宽恕。唯一致命的是，干一切事情都满足于不完美，不再继续努力。

The translation work is very very slowly going on. How can I accelerate myself a bit?

Monday I watched my roommate's movie and it's too touching. I cried because I do not possess that kind of love that handsome boy gave to that cute girl. Although it's only a movie I still feel so lost. I desire that kind of love and I just feel a desire for a relationship recently. I have to keep my promise however. It's so tough. When will my Big Day come...?

I love to read Bible; a lot of verses could let me burst into tears about God's great love. But I still need it in physical sense... Or I still feel kind of lackness and lostness... Wish I could become happy soon.

Last night I dreamt about Zhangyu; she robbed my love(not zilong) and I felt so sad. Recently I always dreamt about BGR and it's not healthy for me to think about such things anymore... maybe I should do something to free myself from thinking it...

My job is quite relax after the mission conference anyway. Church work are like that. sometimes you wear out and sometime you relax to die. Maybe I should do a summary of mission conference so next time life will be easier in a busy season. that means what to prepare, what to ask in advance, the list of work for me to finish one by one etc.

no time to write blog

i have a lot of things to say..

yesterday i was so happy about the sunday school although it might not the best one ever.

but everytime i could experience God by teaching sunday school. and chuchun and qiwei were with us as well last night. although it was tiring because of bad health condition recently(and i could hardly speak awarely?? after serving) i was still quite enjoying this ministry. may God continue to bless all our kids even i (and yemei) was not teaching.

today in the combined service in TRBC i was touched as well by the message. the pastor shared a lot about the Gospel preached to poor area and many were converted. i will burst into tears whenever i heard such stories. i wish i could also be involved in such glorious work but i just feel i'm so weak and also lack abilities or skills to do that. he shared a girl who graduated from NUS and went to Nepal and she started all her ministry by making a soap! a small bridge and a tiny thing like that could bring a lot of blessings. everyone wanted her natural soap and a lot prostitutes were hired into her soap factory! at last the Gospel were preached and many were saved through her factory. he told of some more story of this kind and it touched me a lot and i was just so excited to cry. i should tell others about such stories, and also do such things through me myself. i also want a key, to open shut doors.. what will be my key? shall i learn 口译 or shall i learn piano in a deeper way? may God instruct me. and what He tells me i wish i could do it and obey...

now the translation work is so heavy and i really want to do it but i am just so reluctant...

in a land

in a land of loneliness... to start a new blog in this new year~~

hope that no one would come to this place anyway..

someone I don't know could view and pass.. but anyone i know pls don't come

just be alone!!~~